National Guarantees

The United States is the only country in the world that guarantees the pursuit of happiness in one of its national documents. I think the Europeans laugh at us hysterically for it. Maybe that's our problem. Maybe our expecting to be gosh-darn-golly cheery all the time is ruining us. In the past, the pursuit of happiness has been used to wipe out nations of natives, kill Mexicans in the southwest for their land (Mexico was and is a sovereign state), and outsource labour to impoverished nations at the expense of everyone except the profiteers. Personally, I'm sick of pursuing happiness. It's a joke and an excuse for people to devour each other. And pursuing it is not making me happy at all. I think pursuing a nice, quiet melancholy is more to my taste.

This sounds much better:
"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men ^and women[^] are created ^and/or evolved[^] equal, that they are endowed by {their Creator} ^nature[^] with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of {happiness} ^a nice, quiet melancholy[^]."